| why hello, xanga. it's been a long time since we last spoke. a lot's happened since then, especially with interact. hmmm, it just seems like i'm finding imperfections with a lot of things. You know, it's funny. I hadn't gone on aim for SO LONG, and I go on, just to realize that people that I think ARE there for me, aren't, or at least are doing hw. Of course, people going through problems will always rely on those who sympathize with them. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't? And xanga, I'm turning into a bad student. It's almost one now, and I still have biology and math left. A week ago, I would have already been on problem 100 of math, even if I had started at 11:00 PM. Why do things happen as they do? Is it fate? or merely a turn in the path of life.a twist. something. Why did I open that e-mail? Why does she have to dislike me? Why do they have to lie and destroy the very thing that I believed in the most. The club I ALWAYS referred to when things went wrong. I remember always saying, " if life were like interact, then things would be perfect," now rephrased to " if things were like Newark Interact this year, I think I would rather jump off the bridge? or something like that." Not that I'll be suicidal over this. Don't worry. In fact, I know that I'm gonna be laughing over this in about two weeks. Maybe even tomorrow. I just don't like the fact that it causes animosity between people. I don't like that it tarnishes friendships. But then again, maybe they weren't there to begin with. Who knows? There's an image of a card house. One wrong move, and you realize that, well, the card house tower was never built to be sturdy in the first place. How could you trust it to stay standing? You couldn't. But you believed that it could, and in the end, it disappointed you. There's a Cantonese saying "dai sai," which kinda means, it's YOUR fault. And I'll admit, it's my fault for believing in these people who I knew couldn't be trusted. I'll admit that. I realize that there's no one that's going to read this. And if they do, they have no idea what I'm talking about, so it's okay. I learn from these things. Hopefully, anyway. I was sitting at my piano recital the other day. I've never enjoyed a piano recital so much. Those kids were child prodigies, I swear. It made me realize that there are so many better things to do than to sit around and mope because something doesn't go your way. There are so many things to appreciate in life. There are so many more people who ARE worth your time to worry over. Go worry over them. Don't worry about people who aren't WORTH your time. Worry about your homework, most certainly. Worry about making your parents happy and proud of you :). Don't waste your time on things that don't need you or don't want you. Sooner or later, you'll realize you can do without them. It just seems bleak now because you can't see a way out of it, but it'll come. Be patient. Haha, I think they call this self-therapy. It seems to work. It also seems to have used up about 15 minutes of my time. Totally worth it though. That phrase brings to mind the Pantene-ProV commercial. And Pantene ProV smells good too. Yay! Haha, yeahh. I just need to think things over. I'm not gonna be angry over it. Disappointed, yes. Frustrated, most certainly, but it'll work out. Or I could start a key club, haha. Even though Willis doesn't WANT me to now, haha. We'll see. A storm always ends with sunshine eventually. |
